Choose Your Adventure, Because You Can’t Choose Others

As a boy I remember reading this baseball choose your own adventure book. I loved it. I crushed those pages.

It was captivating to guide and drive this character based on my thoughts, experiences and what I knew best. Not surprisingly, we won, and the main character was the conquering hero…thanks to me.  

We can see and sense our partners, children, co-workers, everyone - engage in the constant cost-benefit-analysis debate. If they align with our thoughts and wishes, all is groovy. When they don’t, we can sometimes question our existence.

How does it play out in real life? Let’s find out.

The Cattitude Set Up

I’ve been with my wife for 20 years, and I’ve also been with at least one cat almost everyday since. In a short window we went from three cats to one, and that was about to change when we learned our last cat had cancer.  

The day we found out we were going to put our last cat to sleep, I mistakenly left my wife and daughter in the car alone, for two seconds. I closed the back hatch on the car and walked to the driver's door. I don’t remember napping, but time must have stood still. By the time I got in the car, my daughter had been promised a new kitten for her birthday (yes, I know it was for my wife and not my daughter).

Option1A: Lose your mind. ‘Say no way.’ Get into an immediate fight with your family that will most likely have long-term repercussions.  

Option 1B: Make a sarcastic comment about time. Pause. Recognize you’re probably going to get a kitten at some point down the road, so why make a stink now? See how it plays out.

Unlike the baseball book, decisions and impacts are not black and white. There is a polarity, and time would tell what that scale looked like. Either way, clearly, I had no control.    

Selection: 1B

The Search Confrontation

In searching for the new kitten, the search for one in Colorado yielded a connection to a woman  in Houston who had saved six kittens on death's door.

A couple of video calls, and a kitten was selected. How does one get one kitten from Texas? You don’t.

‘If you drive them all here, I’ll find them homes,’ championed my lovely spouse.

I know people. I was in a safe. Why would someone drive from Houston to Steamboat to deliver six kittens? They won’t.

‘I’ll be there November 22nd!,’ said the lovely and (in my mind) crazy lady, who happened to have cats.  

Clearly, I misread how that was going to play out. .

Option 2A: Lose your mind. ‘Say no way.’ Get into an immediate fight with your family that will most likely have long-term repercussions.  

Option 2B: You have a room for them to stay while you find them a home. They’re coming whether you like it or not. Oh, and you’re a softy, and you know you’re going to help save them if you can.  

Selection: 2B

The What’s Better Than One Resolution

The six kittens were adorable. We had ours, and found great homes for three. For 24 hours I watched my family play with two other kittens. Every hour like a grandfather clock, the chime rang out, “I love her,” from the adult.

I can be intuitive, but this did not require clairvoyance. I knew what was coming.

We went from getting one to wanting three.

I was pissed at myself for not selecting 2A. I could have taken a stand, and beat myself up for not being stronger. I could have controlled this entire situation. False.  

Decisions and actions are not a moment in time, they have a lasting impact. I was put in a position that I had to choose how this story in my life would turn out.

Option 3A: Be pissed at yourself for not selecting 2A, then lose your mind. ‘Say no way.’ Get into an immediate fight with your family that will most likely have long-term repercussions.

Option 3B: Be annoyed with yourself for not selecting 2A, and reflect on personal experience that three cats isn’t materially different than one. The other members or your family will be ecstatic, you help make that a reality, all the kittens have great homes, and ultimately you love them, too.  

Selection 3B:

Conclusion - The Happy Family  

The contentedness polarity for me was to accept the cats, love them, or break up my family and get divorced. Did I want to lie on the tracks, say ‘no’, and start a massive fight? I did not. I had to make decisions for myself. Not just for my family, but for my own happiness,

Different situations trigger different outcomes. That is the polarity scale we see and feel. That is the control and lack thereof. It might not always feel like it, but you have the ability to find more peace and solace than angst and strife, with others and especially yourself.

Every action you make, and every word you utter is in your control, but the interaction outcome is up to the other person. It’s desire, understanding, compromise, and consequences that guide our choices. For better, and unfortunately sometimes worse.

In life, there is something in our innate consciousness that makes us delusional where we think we have the ability to control others. To do what we think is best for them, or what we want. We don’t.

We can initiate, manipulate, trust - not control.

Shortly thereafter was a the start of a stretch of knee surgeries for my wife. A time of pain, frustration, and being at home. A difficult time, buoyed by her three kittens.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go scoop the litter box (it’s fine. I want to do it. I’m in control…)