Can I Have An Extra Helping of Poison, Please?
I have spent most of my life taking a situation or emotion and twisting the narrative - not in a good way. It’s like a personal game of Poison Mad Libs.
Everyone knows I’m ______. (incapable)
I am _______(an idiot).
I could ______ (never) do what other people can do.
I am more _________ (impacted) by five negative things, than 95 positive things.
We’re guilty of taking this poison pill that permeates our cells, energy, and being. Some of you have heard the poison pill analogy and in previous versions, it’s a non-lethal pill. Except I was wrong, it is lethal.
It kills my spirit. It kills the person I want or can be. It makes ‘I could’ into ‘I can’t.’ It turns gratitude into resentment and progress into regression. It isn’t a metaphor, it is my mind eating away at my body and soul.
I get stuck in this rut. I rant, I vent to anyone, especially my internal monologue which is pleading for a Do Not Disturb feature. I like to think of this as problem-solving, and letting the air out of ‘the balloon.’ It feels better-ish, but rarely yields a truly beneficial result.
I used to be simply toxic. I would eat an emotional ice cream sundae 25 to 100 times a day and think, ‘I’m fine, there’s nothing I need to address here. I’ve got this under control.’
But it was far healthier for Peter Pan to grow up (just a bit), and today I am much better about putting down the spoon.
The temptation of the poison pill is an all-you-can-eat ice cream bar marketed by the Sirens call. There are certainly moments, days, weeks, or longer when I feed these narratives on certain subjects and themes. In my own Euripides play, I am the shoemaker and his wife (which makes sense as I have a lot of feminine energy).
I have worked hard on thwarting these emotions and patterns, but not hard enough as I know this is a journey that has no end. These narratives run deep, but the excited-optimist in me knows that I am better today and next month, than yesterday and last month.
I wish I was alone. I know I’m not. Fortunately, we all can identify these patterns, stop taking the poison pills, reframe our perceptions, and remove or reduce the poison we’ve ingested. Our health and wellbeing depends on it.
Cheers and peace be the journey.
Pete Dopkin