Are you trying to control the wind?
Earlier this year I was watching Shogun (highly recommend btw) and a proverb flashed on the screen that smacked me across the face. ‘I don’t control the wind. I study it.’ You may have also heard, ‘You can’t control the wind, but you can adjust your sails.’ From an old Yiddish proverb to Dolly Parton, its origins and uses are varied. It’s important to give the appropriate credit, I’m just not sure, so I’m moving on without any disrespect intended.
Throughout my life, I have certainly tried to control the wind, and when I can’t it has left me from irate to paralyzed, and indifferent to perplexed. This isn’t a boo-hoo story, and my life has been good. I have been very fortunate and I am grateful. But this idea grates on me.
I like to think of myself as relaxed and easy-going, but I know there is a level of anxiety and unrest that makes this idea feel fraudulent. It causes me to react quickly, or overreact. Through therapy and self-exploration it’s something I’m diligently working on.
As I’ve sat with this quote and concept, I was close to wrapping my head around it, but it was personally only providing part of the story. I had been wrestling with it for months, and while doing a little self-therapy, I discovered what was missing.
It’s not just that I can’t control the wind…….. It’s that I thought I had to!
While tied together these are two very different ideas. There was this mounting anxiety that while not debilitating, kept me from being comfortable, kept me from being focused, kept me from being me.
For many of us that materializes in feeling incapable, and pervasive pressure around our self-worth. We look around and it feels that everyone around us is in control of everything all of the time, or they can’t control the wind, and they don’t care.
In this personal isolation, we’ll bounce from moment to moment, thought to thought only to feel like we’re raking leaves on a windy day.
We do it to ourselves, and we’re at the mercy of external factors.
We do it with our reactions. We do it in our relationships. We do it with our to-do’s.
Our intent to control the wind and all the nuances can crush our ability to not just see the forest through the trees but we’ll sadly exacerbate it by setting fire to it. Then the wind really wreaks havoc.
We try to prove that we’re not incapable, and by running from negative thoughts and connotations, we’re exacerbating the issue. Our pervasive battle over self-worth reaches the depths of our souls.
It’s time, sensing, seeing, plus feeling the tiny gains that allow us to see the forest through the trees, and sometimes even the leaves on them. We recognize this by relinquishing the thought that we can control the wind, or as outrageous that we have to.
The wind blows infinite situations and emotions across our path that impact our minds and bodies. You can either continue to feed your ego and anxiety by trying to control it or establish your own path, and be the master of not infinite domains, just yours.
Cheers and peace be the journey.
Pete Dopkin